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Resolute.
3/4 of the way through my run tonight at the gym I realized that I can’t really remember that much from last semester. That winter break will be over come next Tuesday, and that it’s actually January 2010.
© (M)factr
The heat from this thought brought pain. Pain and what I can only describe as a chest full of snakes. The rest of my run was fueled by panic, not from any uncompleted lingering task list, but maybe from the now assigned, ever growing one I’ve already constructed for this coming year.
I stop my laps, catch my breath and hear people talking about burritos. Everyone at the gym talks about all the food they want to eat, will eat, can’t eat, or dream of someday eating when they don’t have to be so committed.
There’s this irony that perminates everything around oneself during the first few months of the year, at least, I’ve always found this to be true with myself, and those around me. The 8 week commitments are ripe with excitement and dedication: those handfuls willing to sacrifice some sleep, some funds, even some social life, to bind themselves to a workout for a few weeks hoping for a new waist, a new look, self confidence, a boyfriend/girlfriend/lover/please don’t leave me see I’m trying…what have you.
The 8-weeker infestation.
It’s hard to move at the gym during these first few weeks. There’s no parking, no lockers, no room on the track, people talking on cell phones while they run, elbows hurling pointy angles at your unsuspecting ribcage.
Filed under: life, people, photography | 1 Comment
Tags: interactions, observations, photography
The Dead Alive.
It’s dusty here, and it smells like old things.
The hardest part about coming back is knowing that you have to start -someplace-.
It doesn’t even have to be a particularly interesting place. Just -some- place.
Matt Damon is that place.
I’m sitting in the dark coldness of the old Troc theater, there’s a boy next to me, it’s new, and different. Interesting. It’s Movie Monday night: $3 at the door buys you a ticket in and a token for a free drink upstairs while you watch whatever film is playing that night. Tonight? It’s Paranormal Activity, and 35 minutes into the film I tweet about how horrible a date movie it is, even though I’m not sure I’m on a date. I don’t exactly remember the last time I had an actual date. Those definitions are always vague and I’m basically unassuming.
But Matt Damon…
Here I am, boy on one side, worst horror film I’ve seen in decades on the other, and I hear Matt Damon say Demon. It’s this guy to the right, he’s shoving a pretzel in his mouth like he hasn’t eaten in days, he’s spitting pretzel out and it’s being illuminated by the film light when he talks. I can’t help it…
I laugh.
He really looks like Matt Damon.
His forehead is a little smaller, but he has the nose, the mouth, the voice. Everything. Good Demon Hunting, Matt Damon….pouring back the PBR as he jokes to his friends about how much money this crappy film made at the box office.
2010 is:
A new 365 portrait set : Autophagy
Continued volunteer work, climbing, and training for my first half marathon. Not to mention school. I had hoped for a clone for x-mas…I’ll have to get by without such luxuries.
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Tags: 365, =, life, Paranomal Activity
To The End And Back.
Empty space. The clock is ticking. Words hang. I don’t know what to put here.
Again.
And it’s not something I bind myself to, but a thing I demand of myself when I am alone, and progressing, and want to remember how it is to feel as though there is movement forward in a life, and not always the slipping and stumbling back.
Been thinking about many things: Nicki’s Ironman (which she finished with amazing colors! So proud of her!) training for more than one distance race next summer, maybe entering my first rock climbing competition this year, and next year, keeping up the volunteering, wondering if I’m mentally done with school or am just finishing it out for the sake of everyone else, how dating or even just meeting new people terrifies me and I need to start doing it more, lest I don’t or won’t, do it at all.
Things, lots of things to think about. Life is mostly full of the good, so I find, once again, the need to not be -here.-
A list, short:
Confidence is: Painting, writing, climbing, running, volunteering, (even WoW), talking to a new and different stranger each and every week.
It is not: making up excuses for why I can’t do something, or would rather not do something. It is also not doing things that don’t bring me joy (versus pleasure.) Which is why I’m reinstating the word “no.”
Fall is a beautiful time of the year to rediscover yourself.
Filed under: The Sphere | 1 Comment
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